Another update

School is getting to the point of being ridiculous. Everything had been in nice organized stacks in my mind. Those slowly turned into organized piles. And now the whole thing is like my dad's garage. A complete wreck but he knows where everything is if you give him enough time to find it. I feel myself slowly becoming unwound from the winding up over the summer. Thanksgiving can't get here fast enough. I need family. People that'll understand me. People that I'm used to dealing with their eccentricities and love them for their faults. I'm tired of being nice and getting by. Maybe I'm just babbling. All I know is that I'm ready to move on. Not only from this semester but from this vein of life in general. I'm ready to go out and experience some more, in another location, with different people. The people that I've met that are new to school this year are nice but I'm just not getting along with them. Maybe I've got cabin fever? Senioritis? Deadly plights both. Whatever it is, I'm ready. Registered for my last semester of undergraduate classes: 18 hours. I think that's the most I've ever taken. Definitely not looking foward to it.

Miscellany:

• Still haven't narrowed down graduate school.
• I'm going to enter a composition contest for cash. Maybe two. I'll let you know how it goes.
• I'm enjoying learning my piano music. I felt like I had found out how to practice to make music but I couldn't hold onto that feeling. It was like trying to hold a cloud or fire. Very fleeting. I'll get it back soon enough.
  
• I'm broke.

That is all.

Horray for papers being through!!

Hopefully it is good enough for my professor. Here's to hoping!




This picture is what I did while I wasn't writing. I started to doodle. Then an idea came up about the music on the page. I've been studying Chopin scores all night and it kind of reminds me of that. I really hear it though with woodwinds. Clarinets, and saxophones... which is really odd because I don't like to write for those instruments. We'll see if anything comes of it.

Bacon, Egg and Cheese sandwiches from Hardees tastes fantastic after an all nighter. I guess sleep would be good too.

Today I'll hopefully find out what I'll be playing for next semester. I'm kind of excited about that.



Sorry for the random, random post but I'm all energized now after eating... Have a good day!!

Pre - Recital Jury Drama

So since I'm majoring in piano, I am required to do a recital displaying all that I've learned over the past 3 years. But in order to do this, I have to do a "pre recital jury" or "hearing" if you will. This is where the piano faculty all come to hear me play a 30 minute recital. All two of them. You could say this is a stressful experience. I was supposed to have my jury on Thursday of last week, April 3rd. I wasn't ready so they pushed it back some more to this Tuesday, April 8th. I failed. They were gracious enough to allow me to play again Today. Apparently they thought that the two days I had to practice and mentally prepare myself for the next jury was going to be enough to get me to pass. I don't know why they thought that but it worked. I passed this time.

Their only comments were that I was too aggressive. In everything. The Mozart, Scriabin, Brahms. All of it was to pushy and loud and bangy. I guess I have to tone down the aggression and put on a more charming, elegant demeanor for the recital hall.

That is hard to do when there are so many things to be upset about and sad about and angry about. I find it hard to mask my emotions that much. If I'm feeling angry, it is going to come out in my playing apparently. I can't go into what is making me feel this way. Anonymity is not a friend here, unfortunately. I will, however, say that I'll never ceased to be amazed at what people will do; against, for, to, with, in spite of, in anger at, mockingly at, in kindness to, out of love for, jealousy at, hatefully at, not knowing, hopefully for, to please, pleadingly for, other people.
I should of gone into psychology. People will always be messed up enough for therapy. Everyone could go deaf one day though...

Random thoughts?

So I get to see my Mom, Sister 1 and Niece tomorrow. I haven't seen them in about a week and a half. I'm excited to see what they are up to and how they are doing.

Meetings with my family can either go very well or not so well. This meeting might bring more bad news about Sister 2 and her craziness or other general bad news. Or it could bring bickering between Sister 1 and Mom arguing or any other possible combination two people arguing. But mostly these trips bring family, good conversation, and understanding. Things I can always use more of.

I don't think I'm going to go to class tomorrow... I haven't even begun my history paper yet and the 2nd draft is due!! I definitely need to talk to that professor.

I hope I pass my recital jury. I had a lesson today and the Mozart Sonata went fine (K.345, c minor) GREAT actually. But the two Scriabin etudes (Op. 8, No. 5 and Op 2. No.1) didn't go so well. She didn't even let me finish the Brahms Rhapsody b minor (the first one). Two of my friends took their pre-recital juries today. One passed and one failed. I thought the one that failed did a great job but they held them back because of "not being able to recover effectively". I would let them go on and just get it over with. But I'm not the one with a doctorate degree.

Sorry for being so existential lately. I guess I just really worry about what I'm supposed to be doing and what I'm doing, is it correct? Maybe being in a relationship eases this things because I just realized that I don't think of these things, that often, when I'm dating someone. Dating someone doesn't define who I am, it just keeps my mind off of things. Definitely another reason to date often. It keeps the mind busy and the heart occupied.

If you haven't noticed, I like to update from my iPhone. I like being able to have pictures accompany my posts. It shows my immediate surroundings. I like it.

Sorry for the long post. I'll try to keep them shorter.

Matthew