Pre - Recital Jury Drama

So since I'm majoring in piano, I am required to do a recital displaying all that I've learned over the past 3 years. But in order to do this, I have to do a "pre recital jury" or "hearing" if you will. This is where the piano faculty all come to hear me play a 30 minute recital. All two of them. You could say this is a stressful experience. I was supposed to have my jury on Thursday of last week, April 3rd. I wasn't ready so they pushed it back some more to this Tuesday, April 8th. I failed. They were gracious enough to allow me to play again Today. Apparently they thought that the two days I had to practice and mentally prepare myself for the next jury was going to be enough to get me to pass. I don't know why they thought that but it worked. I passed this time.

Their only comments were that I was too aggressive. In everything. The Mozart, Scriabin, Brahms. All of it was to pushy and loud and bangy. I guess I have to tone down the aggression and put on a more charming, elegant demeanor for the recital hall.

That is hard to do when there are so many things to be upset about and sad about and angry about. I find it hard to mask my emotions that much. If I'm feeling angry, it is going to come out in my playing apparently. I can't go into what is making me feel this way. Anonymity is not a friend here, unfortunately. I will, however, say that I'll never ceased to be amazed at what people will do; against, for, to, with, in spite of, in anger at, mockingly at, in kindness to, out of love for, jealousy at, hatefully at, not knowing, hopefully for, to please, pleadingly for, other people.
I should of gone into psychology. People will always be messed up enough for therapy. Everyone could go deaf one day though...

Random thoughts?

So I get to see my Mom, Sister 1 and Niece tomorrow. I haven't seen them in about a week and a half. I'm excited to see what they are up to and how they are doing.

Meetings with my family can either go very well or not so well. This meeting might bring more bad news about Sister 2 and her craziness or other general bad news. Or it could bring bickering between Sister 1 and Mom arguing or any other possible combination two people arguing. But mostly these trips bring family, good conversation, and understanding. Things I can always use more of.

I don't think I'm going to go to class tomorrow... I haven't even begun my history paper yet and the 2nd draft is due!! I definitely need to talk to that professor.

I hope I pass my recital jury. I had a lesson today and the Mozart Sonata went fine (K.345, c minor) GREAT actually. But the two Scriabin etudes (Op. 8, No. 5 and Op 2. No.1) didn't go so well. She didn't even let me finish the Brahms Rhapsody b minor (the first one). Two of my friends took their pre-recital juries today. One passed and one failed. I thought the one that failed did a great job but they held them back because of "not being able to recover effectively". I would let them go on and just get it over with. But I'm not the one with a doctorate degree.

Sorry for being so existential lately. I guess I just really worry about what I'm supposed to be doing and what I'm doing, is it correct? Maybe being in a relationship eases this things because I just realized that I don't think of these things, that often, when I'm dating someone. Dating someone doesn't define who I am, it just keeps my mind off of things. Definitely another reason to date often. It keeps the mind busy and the heart occupied.

If you haven't noticed, I like to update from my iPhone. I like being able to have pictures accompany my posts. It shows my immediate surroundings. I like it.

Sorry for the long post. I'll try to keep them shorter.

Matthew