Pre - Recital Jury Drama

So since I'm majoring in piano, I am required to do a recital displaying all that I've learned over the past 3 years. But in order to do this, I have to do a "pre recital jury" or "hearing" if you will. This is where the piano faculty all come to hear me play a 30 minute recital. All two of them. You could say this is a stressful experience. I was supposed to have my jury on Thursday of last week, April 3rd. I wasn't ready so they pushed it back some more to this Tuesday, April 8th. I failed. They were gracious enough to allow me to play again Today. Apparently they thought that the two days I had to practice and mentally prepare myself for the next jury was going to be enough to get me to pass. I don't know why they thought that but it worked. I passed this time.

Their only comments were that I was too aggressive. In everything. The Mozart, Scriabin, Brahms. All of it was to pushy and loud and bangy. I guess I have to tone down the aggression and put on a more charming, elegant demeanor for the recital hall.

That is hard to do when there are so many things to be upset about and sad about and angry about. I find it hard to mask my emotions that much. If I'm feeling angry, it is going to come out in my playing apparently. I can't go into what is making me feel this way. Anonymity is not a friend here, unfortunately. I will, however, say that I'll never ceased to be amazed at what people will do; against, for, to, with, in spite of, in anger at, mockingly at, in kindness to, out of love for, jealousy at, hatefully at, not knowing, hopefully for, to please, pleadingly for, other people.
I should of gone into psychology. People will always be messed up enough for therapy. Everyone could go deaf one day though...